The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

Lurker13 · Post by **Lurker13** » Sun Jul 08, 2018 5:29 pm

BitchPudding wrote:True that. Thank you, really.

Fairly certain that therapy will help. My biggest fear is what if it doesnt.

I want the help tho. So at least theres that.

Don't let that fear stop you, because it is really just fear of the unknown.

As someone who has been through therapy, I think you will find it a relief just to be able to talk to someone who won't judge you or be thinking about how your issues affect their life. Your doctor/therapist will only be interested in treating you to help you get healthy.

You can do this.

fcknoise · Post by **fcknoise** » Sun Jul 08, 2018 7:35 pm

BitchPudding wrote:Had a massive panic attack on Tuesday, closest I've been to having my fiancee call 911. I'm starting to scare myself with how bad this is getting. I can't handle any stress without it immediately putting me on a cliff mentally.

I'm gonna try to get help this week. Pray for me. Or don't. Sacrifice an animal? idk.

Damn dude, I’ll do my version of praying for you which is just genuinely wishing you the best and keeping you in my thoughts.

My GF had the same this Monday, which is why I’m in this thread. She called to say good bye and I was on the phone with her for hours. Ended up taking the flight down to her (in Germany) the next day and it seems to go a little better now. I want her to get professional help tho as i can’t do anything really.

Simultaneously, my moms cancer is mostly good news, the surgery went well and all, but they upgraded what they found to a whatever stage cancer that is apparently really aggressive, so she has to go through chemo now and while she has a lot of other support I feel like a pretty crucial support pillar to her right now. I’m doing fine, but I feel like such important people depend on me with their life right now I don’t really know how to deal with it.

Also, I’m making a documentary with a friend rn (I’ll post about this in another thread soon) which is really fun but it eats up paid-job-time, as well as actual money. Which again, hinders my ability to support the people who need me.

Sorry, I just don’t know where I can complain about this because I’m so set on keeping up the appearance of strength for everyone else

popvulture · Post by **popvulture** » Sun Jul 08, 2018 10:32 pm

Yeah Pudding, hope you're doing ok—I've got quite a bit of experience in the panic department, and I can say that therapy will likely help you a lot. As said above, sometimes just talking about stuff with an unbiased, more objective person (which you can't really find in the form of a friend / family member, period) is a massive relief. Secondly, make sure to remember that if you go to a therapist and aren't jiving with them, it's totally ok to move on and find another one. We spend all kinds of time researching and browsing what car we buy or what pedal fits our needs, but bizarrely people don't often do the same with doctors. Shop til you find the right person for you.

Secondly, I'll echo what DoS said, in that my anxiety tremendously lessened when I cleaned up my act (for me, drinking problem) and started exercising. I'll also second Jwar on benzos if you're comfortable with them—I would, however, be careful. I've been lucky that they've helped me a whole lot when I've needed it (moments of intense anxiety/panic), but I haven't felt the compulsion to take too much and/or grow dependent on them. Like everything, all depends on personality.

I hope you feel better soon, man. It's gonna be ok. Keep us posted!

popvulture · Post by **popvulture** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 2:20 pm

fcknoise wrote:I’m doing fine, but I feel like such important people depend on me with their life right now I don’t really know how to deal with it.

Yeah that shit isn't easy, hard to be the rock. Glad to hear your mom's surgery went well, though

dubkitty · Post by **dubkitty** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:26 pm

if you're going to take benzos, i strongly advise you not to take them every day. i've been addicted to benzos three separate times in the last quarter-century, and getting off is just horrible and the effects last for months.

fcknoise · Post by **fcknoise** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:27 pm

popvulture wrote:
fcknoise wrote:I’m doing fine, but I feel like such important people depend on me with their life right now I don’t really know how to deal with it.
Yeah that shit isn't easy, hard to be the rock. Glad to hear your mom's surgery went well, though

Thanks man, I appreciate it <3

BitchPudding · Post by **BitchPudding** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 4:55 pm

Yea im staying the fuck away from Benzos. I appreciate the gesture, but addiction runs in the family. I get weird even having a beer. I will consider any option a therapist gives me tho.

And thank you for your words fcknoise, if I can get through my hard times, you can make it through yours. I believe in you bro. Much love.

jirodreamsofdank · Post by **jirodreamsofdank** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 5:30 pm

I'm getting increasingly worried that I need to move into my mom's house - it's not a palatial estate or anything but a solid 1970s house (3 bedrooms + an office off the garage) and a lot of space/yard for upkeep and just before my dad died he converted the last of their mortgage to a HELOC that then converted to a 15 year note when he died so that/insurance/utilities/taxes eat up 90% of her Social Security. NBD while she's working but I'd feel a lot less stress if that percentage was lower. Theoretically if I paid her 'rent' equivalent to what I'm paying now, took over some utilities and etc. the note on the house could be paid off in ~3 years. (The market is too fucked up to hope that she could sell the house and pay cash for anything livable in a decent neighborhood.)

Thing is, I'm closer to 40 than 20 and the thought kind of makes me want to commit seppuku. I'd basically live in the office off the garage and have the garage for a workshop (which is a bonus, I've never lived anywhere with a garage) but I can basically kiss getting laid goodbye. I've considered building a tiny house and parking it in her driveway but if I had $20-25k to devote to that I could just pay it down on her house.

Added bonuses: my brother owns an extra, small house that would be perfect for her and would slot right into a budget of selling the current house and paying cash for his - but he doesn't want to, he's convinced that the house is just going to go up up up and it's worth renting it to a friend at a loss until this magical moment. Doesn't matter that our mother could, in that situation, live off Social Security and maybe a bullshit part time job. So fuck him, another reason he'll be dead to me when my mom goes.

popvulture · Post by **popvulture** » Mon Jul 09, 2018 5:48 pm

BitchPudding wrote:Yea im staying the fuck away from Benzos. I appreciate the gesture, but addiction runs in the family. I get weird even having a beer.

Yeah man it’s good you know that—I think a lot of people don’t. I have an addictive personality but somehow have never been a fan of pills in the slightest, rather I’ve been pretty wary/scared of em. I take half a Xanax probably once a week or less, and try to find every route I can to help myself in another way before taking one. They deserve plenty of caution.

TraceItalian · Post by **TraceItalian** » Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:27 pm

Got hit by a car while in a parking lot, the guy got out of his car and started screaming about how I dented his muscle car and I need to watch where I'm walking. Then I got screamed at for being late to work because we had to wait for the popo. There's a report at least in case it's worse than thought.

popvulture · Post by **popvulture** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:42 am

TraceItalian wrote:guy got out of his car and started screaming about how I dented his muscle car and I need to watch where I'm walking.

People are garbage.

Jwar · Post by **Jwar** » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:21 am

BitchPudding wrote:Yea im staying the fuck away from Benzos. I appreciate the gesture, but addiction runs in the family. I get weird even having a beer. I will consider any option a therapist gives me tho.

And thank you for your words fcknoise, if I can get through my hard times, you can make it through yours. I believe in you bro. Much love.

There's other things that help stress.

Exercise, psychology, eating better (there are studies that show a significant amount (almost 50%) of dopamine and gaba are produced in the gut), Gaba supplements, Valerian Root (help the fuck out of me), mindfulness techniques (youtube it, it's all breathing and it works)...etc. There's a lot you can do. It's all about training your brain how to handle situations. Is anything fool proof or will it work always? No. Not even meds can do that.

TraceItalian · Post by **TraceItalian** » Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:56 am

popvulture wrote:
TraceItalian wrote:guy got out of his car and started screaming about how I dented his muscle car and I need to watch where I'm walking.
People are garbage.

I'm choosing to hope dude was just having a super shitty day and I was a convient conduit.

Jero · Post by **Jero** » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:15 am

Jwar wrote:
BitchPudding wrote:Yea im staying the fuck away from Benzos. I appreciate the gesture, but addiction runs in the family. I get weird even having a beer. I will consider any option a therapist gives me tho.

And thank you for your words fcknoise, if I can get through my hard times, you can make it through yours. I believe in you bro. Much love.
There's other things that help stress.

Exercise, psychology, eating better (there are studies that show a significant amount (almost 50%) of dopamine and gaba are produced in the gut), Gaba supplements, Valerian Root (help the fuck out of me), mindfulness techniques (youtube it, it's all breathing and it works)...etc. There's a lot you can do. It's all about training your brain how to handle situations. Is anything fool proof or will it work always? No. Not even meds can do that.

I recently found this stuff called Sedalia, which (fixed for jrfox, might be poisonous

) Only tried it a couple times but it worked for me. I smoke to help me sleep, and this did the trick while I was out of town. Helped with stress too. Starts to work quickly, which is a huge plus if you’re starting to have an attack. Might not work for people used to harder meds though, not sure. I get mild anxiety from time to time, and usually taking pills gives me MORE anxiety for whatever reason