The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread...

[D.o.S.]

I have to be asleep and then awake again in four hours, though.

[D.o.S.]

Anyway, I've never gelled with any Dead beyond '68, live or studio.

Ed-yu-ma-kate me plz?

[jrmy]

won't someone please talk to me?

I am so sorry you're going through this, Dubs.

[dubkitty]

Anyway, I've never gelled with any Dead beyond '68, live or studio.

Ed-yu-ma-kate me plz?

the best place to start is the Internet Archive, which has a huge selection of live GD. some personal suggestions: February and April of 1969, early September of '69, and the 11/5-8/70 shows. this is still the GD with the dual drummers and Pigpen. if you don't like the Dead once Hart leaves and Pig gets sick there's nothing i can offer you, but you can try the Europe 72 tour shows or Oct/Nov of 1973. some later shows that are big fun include 8/13/75 and 10/29/77. i never listen to the Dead post-81, by which time they lost their subtlety and became an arena-rock band. ignore the albums; the Dead's lightning was never captured in that bottle except on Live/Dead and Skull and Roses. Live/Dead is essential, though, with what the cognoscenti unanimously consider THE canonical version of "Dark Star."

the thing about the Dead is that like King Crimson they have eras which are often wildly different from each other, roughly 1967-68, 69-70, 71-74, 75-78, and 79-80s. it's quite common for people to cleave unto certain eras to the exclusion of the others.

[D.o.S.]

Yeah I adore Live/Dead... can't really get into Europe 72, and only like about half of Closing of Winterland.

Will check some of those shows out on Monday. Thanks!

L/D's St. Stephen>Eleven>Love Light is the epitome of what makes the Dead fantastic, to my ears. I don't know how people don't dig that shit.

[dubkitty]

Yeah I adore Live/Dead... can't really get into Europe 72, and only like about half of Closing of Winterland.

perfect example of three separate eras of GD. Live/Dead is the 1969 band with both drummers and TC on keyboards; E72 is the post-71 band with one drummer and pianist Keith Godchaux's jazzy interjections to the monolithic jams; and Closing of Winterland is the 1978 re-double-drummer Dead in pokey heroin trundle mode.

[dubkitty]

it's the uncertainty that sets off my depression, setting loose the hounds of lives lived and lost.

[gunslinger_burrito]

it's the uncertainty that sets off my depression, setting loose the hounds of lives lived and lost.

Edit: you should google/youtube mindfulness meditation. The idea is that is we can learn to be in the present instead of lost in our thoughts and worries about the past/future/problems/etc then we can make the present better, which, in turn, will make all those other things better. Hope some of that stuff can help you feel better, man!

Uncertainty is my ultimate bane and nemesis. I go so bat shit crazy when there appears to be an issue but I don't the facts. Like to day for example:

1. Girlfriend is upset a few days ago because she's talking to another guy and she's having a "surge of emotion," but she assures me that it's not romantic type stuff and that I shouldn't worry. So I don't worry....very much.
2. Girlfriend is in my town today (we live about an hour and a half apart) working. She tells me that she needs to visit said guy (who, coincidentally, lives here too ) in order to sort her emotions out, and tells me not to worry.
3. I worry. Girl emotions + other guy = fucking trouble. I don't care how you add that up. It always means trouble.
4. I worry more, because girl says "don't worry, but I can't really explain things yet. I don't know how, etc...."
5. I get off of work around 3, need to practice because I'm playing a show in two days, but CAN'T because I'm totally losing my shit, because I don't know what the fuck is going on
6. Girl finally comes by my place. Like I predicted, girl emotions + other guy = fucking trouble.
7. Lots of emotions from both of us for a few hours.
8. I get sick of a relationship where I am constantly doubting that it's going somewhere I'd like it to go (problems I did not list here.....sigh). I tell girl that she must decide between me or him, and that I can't and will not do the on-off relationship thing.
9. Girl leaves for home. She will tell me what she wants to do sometime soon.
10. I'm probably single again.

[Achtane]

Fuuuuuuck that nonsense.

[gunslinger_burrito]

I want to be over it. Or at least get to the point where I have a definite answer as to what the future has in store for me. But in my experience, this probably means that if we decide to keep going, it's not going to be much fun. Sigh.

[gunslinger_burrito]

And all that happened on Friday the fucking 13th. what the fuck?!

I'm gonna have a drink and play some goddamn computer games

[01010111]

I hate everything right now. I took my last final today (Friday around 8:00 a.m.), and I'm pretty sure I didn't do so well I also just looked at how I did on another final and.... Again bad.... Very bad... I'm really at a complete loss here! I mean, I'll see how the grades comes out, but because the rest of my cohort is apparently much smarter than the average, I'm pretty sure this means my chances of doing well in the phd program are naught.

If I was goofing off I'd understand, but I've been putting in ten to twelve hour days at least five days of the week. That's at least as much time as my colleagues I guess I'm just not understanding the material fast enough

I've never felt such shame and embarrassment and worked this hard! Now I'm getting ready to fly back to Utah in three hours after having slept four hours in three days because I've been working so hard to fail my finals *rage sad*

I went to the Econ department Christmas party earlier tonight and they were saying getting through the first year is a matter of commitment not smarts. It's neither of those. It's a matter of how much math you've had and how easy it is for you to digest lots of new math. That's easily my weakest point when it comes to my ability to learn. Math'a my hardest subject. If I can make it intuitive, then I'm golden, but if you throw it at me too fast, or literally don't give me enough hours in the day to process it, then I'm fucked. I think that might be my take-away lesson from this quarter. Fortunately I can step down to the Master's program, but still.... This has left me verrrrrry bitter about Econ grad school.

[Doctor X]

it's the uncertainty that sets off my depression, setting loose the hounds of lives lived and lost.

just try and hang in there, keep walking forward one step at a time.
if you can get settled in to the new job then you'll have some stability to build upon.

all those things like love, companionship, ageing .... there isnt really any answer, but if you dont have that daily stability then its going to undermine everything else.
hopefully when you are more settled then other things have a chance to grow

[fishtankdork]

haven't seen my girl this much this month due to fighting and stuff and shes couch surfing cause shes looking for an apartment and refuses to stay with me because she dosent want me to completely support her. girlfriends ex hacks into her fb account blocks me and puts a shit ton of pictures and shit up. a week later im like wtf she blocked me? and her profile pic was her and another guy. i freak and text her because well yea it seems like shes cheating. well i say some mean stuff. i helped this girl out alot monetarily lately and i felt used. well she hasn't been on her facebook she was surprised. read her texts from me and started crying. couldnt believe i didnt trust her better and that i said mean stuff. now she dosent want to talk to me. haha mildly irritated

[gunslinger_burrito]

I've never felt such shame and embarrassment and worked this hard! Now I'm getting ready to fly back to Utah in three hours after having slept four hours in three days because I've been working so hard to fail my finals *rage sad*

You shouldn't feel shame about it if you're working so hard at it. Maybe try out some different study techniques?

haven't seen my girl this much this month due to fighting and stuff and shes couch surfing cause shes looking for an apartment and refuses to stay with me because she dosent want me to completely support her. girlfriends ex hacks into her fb account blocks me and puts a shit ton of pictures and shit up. a week later im like wtf she blocked me? and her profile pic was her and another guy. i freak and text her because well yea it seems like shes cheating. well i say some mean stuff. i helped this girl out alot monetarily lately and i felt used. well she hasn't been on her facebook she was surprised. read her texts from me and started crying. couldnt believe i didnt trust her better and that i said mean stuff. now she dosent want to talk to me. haha mildly irritated

That sucks, man. I've been with a couple girls who were really stubborn about accepting help, and it's really frustrating when you're trying to do some thing good for them but they don't want it.


I'm in the midst of sorting out my emotions. I really think that I'm about to lose another girl, but a big part of me is telling me that it might be for the best right now. I hate these conflicting feelings of wanting to see her and talk to her and be with her, but simultaneously realizing the things that probably won't be fixed if we stay together. If I constantly have to be fixing things, then what's the point?