dubkitty wrote:i just can't get myself to care about anything other than dealing with my job. it's not that i'm in love with the job, it's that it's the only thing i can focus on. i haven't hardly even unpacked, and spent all weekend hiding under the covers again. if it wasn't for my cat i would be entirely alone. and my truck's fucked up so i can't just go off exploring. the way i feel today i might never play again. somewhere in there when i was surviving i forgot how to live.
Having a job that sounds like you're good at (and maybe even enjoy?) is good because it can instill a sense of purpose after having that "floating in the fucking ocean" feeling. I was jobless for a year once, and just getting a job was enough to feel like things were going to get back on track. Think about it this way: you've had all that time to let yourself develop the "habit" of hiding from life because it sucked. Now, you have a job and a place to call your own (right?) and that means that your future has a lot of potential again. So, back to the "habit." The only way to break that pattern is literally just to stop doing it. You still have all your gear, and just pulling it out and playing it will probably do you a lot of good. I'm not you, and thus can't see the world the way you do, but I've had similar experiences. In fact I have them weekly. I don't want to do
anything. But if I just tell myself to knock it off and pick up something (art stuff, my guitar, even just a computer game) it helps to break away from that.
Think of your mental energy or your focus like a water main. If you channel it into the shitty pipes, you feel shitty, but if you channel some of it into the "playing guitar and having fun" pipes, well, there's still the same amount of water coming from the main, but now not as much is going into the shitty pipes. Make sense? Hope that helps some.
That way I at least could've done a proper sound check.
