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Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2015 9:08 am
by Andrew
jwar wrote:I'm so fucking tired of everything. I hate feeling like this. I'm very aggravated lately. A lot of it (or all) can be attributed to my lack of body fat and prepping for a bodybuilding show. That shit is weighing on me in more than one way. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but I feel like I'm excelling at it so well that I can't give up.
But lately I've been depressed, like over the last few months, to the point of having horrible thoughts about harming myself. Which I haven't had since I was a teen. I wouldn't really do anything because I have so much to be around for, but I HATE feeling that. HATE IT.
I've been thinking about drinking A LOT lately and I've been sober for 6 years. It just all of a sudden hit me. These last couple weeks it's been in my mind a ton, which before I never thought about it. I was close one day and luckily stopped myself.
I'm having a very, very hard time focusing and being normal mentally. Gotta be lack of nutrients. UGH. So I'm struggling with my business and actually have had thoughts of closing it down completely because of how stressed I've been.
And it's not even because of the business!!! It's other factors. Like having my 3 daughter here all day bugging me, asking me for things, fighting and screaming to the point of not being able to get anything done or done right. I fucked up two pedals in a row because I couldn't focus. I had to buy new one, these are rehouses. So I lost money on these transactions. Sucks so bad.
It happens and I'm trying to play the blame game, but I just have been slipping lately because of my mental focus being so fucking plummeted.
So it's a hard thing. Being a bodybuilder is not easy. I debate whether it's worth it or not all the time. I'm trying to get a sponsorship from a fairly large company. If I do, they will pay for all my supplements and give me up to 50k as basically a sign on. My coach has his company sponsored by them, so I have a very good shot at this. Especially if I do well at my upcoming show (in 7 weeks).
OH! And I sat down and figured out my debt. I don't even want to think about it. I'm sure some have more than me, but right now, I have 20k in CC debt. My father is wealthy and he could pay it off for me if he wanted, but I don't want that. You know? I want to be a success for me. We have been struggling more this year than any other and my wife is back at work after 2 years of not working (IE where most of the debt came from).
Sorry if I'm whining. Just venting. I love you guys.
Mental Health is just one of those things, man. I have made such a bad and incredibly unhealthy habit of pushing it as far away as much as I can just to try to maintain appearances and to be 'professional' at work which just makes it harder to deal with in the long game. For me, I tend to focus solely on things that I know inside and out - it's most likely just a desire to have control over
anything that I am familiar with, when everything else is spiraling outwards. It just sucks.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 3:46 am
by ChetMagongalo
My car got towed tonight, gonna get it back tomorrow, probably about $200 later... And I thought I needed money before that happened. Ugh what a fucked up business, I'm gonna do whatever I can to fuck them over. Worst part is the parking lot was mostly empty, and all the guests spots were full so I parked far away from the buildings in an empty row.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 5:41 am
by sonidero
ChetMagongalo wrote:My car got towed tonight, I'm gonna do whatever I can to fuck them over.
Read the signs and don't think cause you're out of the way in a small town and "oh it's late they won't tow" that them muthafuckas ain't watchin to come get yo ass... I see it all night, that's why they can make shows about Meter Maids and Tow Truck Drivers cause erryone can relate, and usually negatively...
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 2:50 pm
by snipelfritz
Stupid guitarist decided to advertise the band on Tinder. I thought that was stupid/sleazy to begin with. Now he's dragging me on a blind double date.
I'm getting drunk and will be actively trying to emasculate him.
There's a good chance I'll go to the bathroom and not come back.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 3:15 pm
by D.o.S.
snipelfritz wrote:Stupid guitarist decided to advertise the band on Tinder. I thought that was stupid/sleazy to begin with. Now he's dragging me on a blind double date.
I'm getting drunk and will be actively trying to emasculate him.
There's a good chance I'll go to the bathroom and not come back.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 4:29 pm
by morange
D.o.S. wrote:snipelfritz wrote:Stupid guitarist decided to advertise the band on Tinder. I thought that was stupid/sleazy to begin with. Now he's dragging me on a blind double date.
I'm getting drunk and will be actively trying to emasculate him.
There's a good chance I'll go to the bathroom and not come back.
Slip some of these on and get the hell out of there. Maybe stay just long enough to figure out what's horribly wrong with these girls, if you like puzzles.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:39 pm
by SPACERITUAL
Please let japan win.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 1:43 am
by snipelfritz
Awesome twist to the Tinder date: It ended up being a girl I met/boned previously via The Tinder. Just proving the point I had with my guitarist to begin with that "I can get laid on my own."
So basically the date was awkward to begin with because me, but I didn't give a fuck so ice cream happened. I also met up with the girl later and we did the deed again.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 4:47 am
by Iommic Pope
I am now seriously having to consider selling all my remaining gear to make rental bond.
I may as well give up on music at this point, I never have any fucking time for it anyway.
And that will be the last of my dreams to have died.
I actually asked myself today how it was I survived the accident and what the fuck for?
Instead of finding a new found appreciation for life it's just gotten shittier since then and most days, for most of the day, I think about killing myself, only to go to bed, not sleep,band continue to think about it.
Shit is FANTASTIC.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:50 am
by MEC
Hang in there dude! ILF needs it's resident Pope.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 1:13 pm
by Inconuucl
I have to find $600 or I won't be able to stay in school. Fantastic. Time to put all my shit to sell. OTL
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 10:06 pm
by snipelfritz
Social anxiety, laundromat, loud people with no concept of space.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 10:13 pm
by D.o.S.
How was yer dubbledate?
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2015 11:36 pm
by morange
^ Scroll up. Pretty good, I'd say.
Re: The spite, hate, rage, apathy and mild irritation thread
Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:54 am
by Twangasaurus
My uvula is the size of a tennis ball and I'm constantly suppressing the urge to vomit. *Something something joke about gag reflex*