ilovefuzz.com

I had one hell of a night.

I just wanted to have a couple drinks and play a show at a familiar place.

Ugghhhh...just ugggghhhhh.....

Also out of the loop on the latest cloning controversy.

And for myself this week, manic depression is, itself, a hell of a drug. My bass is minorly fucked in a small but fixable way, but my tech is out of town.

Achtane wrote:Why did I drink coffee so late at night?
My girlfriend won't stop snoring.
There's a UV light in my eye.
I did pass out for like 10 minutes, which just made it worse.
I have to get up in 3 and a half hours.
And I've stopped caring about my job, which sucks because I hate feeling that way.
Hnnnggg

The snapchat you sent me, which I imagine was directly before or after this post, made me laugh so hard

got a resit of an exam in a few days, which if I fail my student financing is gone. girlfriend and I are kind of not a thing anymore cause she moved to back arizona. haven't slept in days i feel like and i can't bring myself to study this absolutely boring ass crap. Fucking hate Nils-of-the-past, why the bloody fuck would you ever read public management and performance?

And shit just keeps on stacking up. Sis partner cheated on her and I drove across town to pick her up. Been so frustrated with how this person just goes on and on with her manipulative ways and destructive behaviour. Like, in the end it's all my sisters call, but I feel helpless and this person is just tearing her down.

Gone Fission wrote:Trying to get my teenaged dog to finish a bounce back from a heavy duty health shitstorm. He's not critical at this point, but he's not yet to the point he can come home. And we're getting worried about whether that can happen.

Update: he is coming home. Hope he'll be able to stay--next couple of days will tell if he's really turned the corner.

Update to the update: we bought the guy a lot of months now, over half a year, and we tried to make them really good ones. But he's in big trouble again and we're just not sure he can do it again. Trying to balance giving him a good chance with not drawing out agony is excruciating. We've had some heavy talk about it and I think we can let him go if it's the right thing, but it's still going to devastate us.

Hug your fur kids if you've got them.

Gone Fission wrote:

Gone Fission wrote:Trying to get my teenaged dog to finish a bounce back from a heavy duty health shitstorm. He's not critical at this point, but he's not yet to the point he can come home. And we're getting worried about whether that can happen.
Update: he is coming home. Hope he'll be able to stay--next couple of days will tell if he's really turned the corner.

Update to the update: we bought the guy a lot of months now, over half a year, and we tried to make them really good ones. But he's in big trouble again and we're just not sure he can do it again. Trying to balance giving him a good chance with not drawing out agony is excruciating. We've had some heavy talk about it and I think we can let him go if it's the right thing, but it's still going to devastate us.

Hug your fur kids if you've got them.

I hope it works out for the best.

did any of you guys/girls have any sense of purpose or clarity when you were 21 years old?
i've been in a complete and utter rut for over a year now and am at the point where i can't relate with almost all of my friends because they've started finishing their degrees and finding careers and getting engaged and stuff, while i've been unemployed/single/a shut-in the whole time since i got fed up with my university course and quit and then decided to quit working and quit my band and just spend all my time absorbed in music/film/anime/games/books etc, basically escaping reality to the point where my memory is now extremely foggy and my family relationships are extremely strained and have developed really erratic anxiety. i've never been to a professional because i've watched a lot of friends 'get help' and end up either becoming completely different people or simply continue to be miserable and it scares the hell out of me (not to demean anybody who does that kind of thing, i just feel that it might not be the best choice for me). i really can't bring myself to 'do' anything, potentially because i lack a lot of conventional motivation (i don't seek to improve my standard of living, am not attracted to other people, feel no obligation toward my family or to be a functional member of society), i really don't know where to start. fucking Gen Y kids these days, huh. i went to a fucking selective high school and studied my ass off so i don't know what the hell happened, really. i could blame my parents but that feels like a pretty shitty cop-out.

i don't know what the point of this post is but i'd appreciate any kind of insight, and if anyone else is in a similar situation and would like to talk about themselves please don't hesitate to drop a line. to be honest i've been lucky enough to have a close friend for a while who has mostly similar issues to myself and that support line is the strongest thing keeping me from seriously considering doing anything rash. i still feel shitty about what happened with Twang recently so i want to try and at least be more conscious of other people with stuff like this because when people can't empathize and share things with others shit tends to get very bad. i'm supposed to be moving to the other side of the country in a few weeks but honestly do not want to anymore, but staying where i am is gonna end up killing me eventually if something doesn't change.

That's a bummer, dude. I think you should go through with the move?

Definitely go through with the move. A change of scenery is great for altering habits, and to some extent personality. I didn't really feel a sense of purpose when I was 21, but forced myself to keep on doing what I was doing, and it eventually worked itself out.

Do you have any long term goals?

When I was 21 I was following the inertia on my academic plan B into a grad school program I had no business being in. Then I flopped between various low paid jobs and a career I had no business being in before finding a career path in my 30s that suits me and engages me. (I'm 40 now.) You have time to figure things out. And don't just say "fuck, I can't do that span of wilderness years." There were good things that happened in those years for me, like the start of my relationship with my wife and getting my dogs. Maybe you figure it out sooner than I did, but also, I'm drawing from more experiences in my job and in life, and it helps more than you would think.

Hopefully the move involves changing what you're doing. Seriously, if you don't have a plan of school, work, responsibility, or activity, put something in your life. If your food/housing/expenses are taken care of, maybe some volunteer thing where you're in some way helping other people who need it. There are worse things to do with your life than helping other people, and you don't need to be all together to do something that helps. Maybe wanting to be together to do more for others will help give you motivation and direction, or at least make you feel more connected to the world.

When I was 21 I didn't expect to live much past 22. I don't recommend that as a life plan.

That said I'm 34 and still just feel like I'm muddling along and so does everyone else I know. 21 is a good age to say fuck it and move and see what happens. You can always come back.

Gone Fission wrote:

Gone Fission wrote:Trying to get my teenaged dog to finish a bounce back from a heavy duty health shitstorm. He's not critical at this point, but he's not yet to the point he can come home. And we're getting worried about whether that can happen.

Update: he is coming home. Hope he'll be able to stay--next couple of days will tell if he's really turned the corner.

Update to the update: we bought the guy a lot of months now, over half a year, and we tried to make them really good ones. But he's in big trouble again and we're just not sure he can do it again. Trying to balance giving him a good chance with not drawing out agony is excruciating. We've had some heavy talk about it and I think we can let him go if it's the right thing, but it's still going to devastate us.

Hug your fur kids if you've got them.

Fuck dude I'm so sorry. Have been in this situation twice in the last eighteen months, once with one of our dogs, once with a foster dog. There's some truth to the adage that they let you know when it's their time but shit, it's not as clear cut as I first thought it was. When you look at your little dude and know the pain is too much for them and know it's the right thing to do...it still completely fucking sucks, but you owe it to them. But MAN it sucks. One of my dogs is pushing 15 now and I wake up in the middle of every night just to check that she's okay. It's the fucking worst. I hope it all goes in the most pain free manner possible. Be well little pupper.

Gone Fission wrote:When I was 21 I was following the inertia on my academic plan B into a grad school program I had no business being in. Then I flopped between various low paid jobs and a career I had no business being in before finding a career path in my 30s that suits me and engages me. (I'm 40 now.) You have time to figure things out. And don't just say "fuck, I can't do that span of wilderness years." There were good things that happened in those years for me, like the start of my relationship with my wife and getting my dogs. Maybe you figure it out sooner than I did, but also, I'm drawing from more experiences in my job and in life, and it helps more than you would think.

Hopefully the move involves changing what you're doing. Seriously, if you don't have a plan of school, work, responsibility, or activity, put something in your life. If your food/housing/expenses are taken care of, maybe some volunteer thing where you're in some way helping other people who need it. There are worse things to do with your life than helping other people, and you don't need to be all together to do something that helps. Maybe wanting to be together to do more for others will help give you motivation and direction, or at least make you feel more connected to the world.

Thanks, dude.
I'm moving to attend a different university so i will have a routine of sorts, the thing is I'll need to rely on my dad for financial assistance until i can find work, and that kind of gets to me because my dad is the type of person who considers being a financial provider basically the only thing necessary to parenting, i've been 'taken care of' for years without much non-financial support and it's meddled with me quite a bit so i really want to be independent, but in terms of government assistance i'm still legally considered dependent so i can't rely on that, and i'm really turned off by previous experiences in employment so it's not gonna be easy to get myself working again. Both of my previous jobs I was fucked around by my employers quite a bit and my naivety was preyed upon, they dodged taxes and didn't get me the right paperwork to claim my tax returns, the first guy was ignoring a bunch of serious health and safety issues and the second condoned some seriously fucked up racist and misogynistic banter constantly and paid me below minimum wage. I'm sure there's much better stuff out there to make ends meet but it can be really hard to tell at first, and i'm certainly not the most employable person around to begin with. I would love to become a volunteer but it's probably not the sort of thing i'm going to be able to do for a little while at least.

Eivind August wrote:Definitely go through with the move. A change of scenery is great for altering habits, and to some extent personality. I didn't really feel a sense of purpose when I was 21, but forced myself to keep on doing what I was doing, and it eventually worked itself out.

Do you have any long term goals?

Well i'm quite set upon emigrating to Japan, the reason i'm going back to uni is because i need any kind of bachelors degree to meet proper work visa eligibility, and would like to gain some kind of skill set that would allow me to get hired straight away. The problem is kinda working out how to get myself through the next few years until i find out what i actually want to be doing, because i'm certainly not too keen upon going back to study and would probably end up quitting again if things seemed to be pointless or intolerable. I'd have a degree by now if i'd stuck with my studies in the first place, especially considering how easy my course was, but commuting 3 hours a day only to see my classes canceled or sit in a room full of people unwilling to have a serious conversation about course material did my head in. I just have to hope things work out better this time, I guess. The whole time i was studying in the first place i wasn't fussed about getting a degree and did it just for the hell of it, but as soon as I quit i found some value in getting a degree, ironically.

daseb wrote:When I was 21 I didn't expect to live much past 22. I don't recommend that as a life plan.

Pretty much. I do wonder whether that kind of mindset makes it easier to break out of complacent/apathetic patterns, though.

backwardsvoyager wrote:Well i'm quite set upon emigrating to Japan, the reason i'm going back to uni is because i need any kind of bachelors degree to meet proper work visa eligibility, and would like to gain some kind of skill set that would allow me to get hired straight away. The problem is kinda working out how to get myself through the next few years until i find out what i actually want to be doing, because i'm certainly not too keen upon going back to study and would probably end up quitting again if things seemed to be pointless or intolerable. I'd have a degree by now if i'd stuck with my studies in the first place, especially considering how easy my course was, but commuting 3 hours a day only to see my classes canceled or sit in a room full of people unwilling to have a serious conversation about course material did my head in. I just have to hope things work out better this time, I guess. The whole time i was studying in the first place i wasn't fussed about getting a degree and did it just for the hell of it, but as soon as I quit i found some value in getting a degree, ironically.

Definitely learn things/get skills first. If you move to Japan without having any specific/desired skillset you can basically only be an English teacher. I've got friends who are English teachers or were before doing something else and even though in some cases it can be very nice it's not necessarily the best thing ever. And salaries are not awesome apparently.

Also, the real Japan and the idea you can have of it from outside can be two very different things. Make sure you spend some time here first.

This being said, moving to another place can be a very good experience, on many levels. I don't regret doing it one bit. You just have to be sure to do it in the best way possible.

oscillateur wrote:Definitely learn things/get skills first. If you move to Japan without having any specific/desired skillset you can basically only be an English teacher. I've got friends who are English teachers or were before doing something else and even though in some cases it can be very nice it's not necessarily the best thing ever. And salaries are not awesome apparently.

Also, the real Japan and the idea you can have of it from outside can be two very different things. Make sure you spend some time here first.

This being said, moving to another place can be a very good experience, on many levels. I don't regret doing it one bit. You just have to be sure to do it in the best way possible.

Yeah see I wouldn't necessarily mind teaching English but i'd much rather be a middle school/high school teacher and have a more stable/regular income than the typical conversational school/tutoring arrangements, i considered teaching on a working holiday visa but ultimately decided that if i want to stay permanently and a find a suitable line of work i need to get a degree and develop a skill set first.
I've spent two months there and traveled around a reasonable bit and feel like i understand it all enough to make a decision, the country has a hell of a lot of problems and i'll probably always experience some minor degree of discrimination no matter how long i'm there but in the end what i'm concerned about is being comfortable with my surroundings, and being able to engage closely with the things i'm passionate about, which i can do far better over there than anywhere in Australia. It's as simple as that, really.

Since you're in the game industry over there, do you have any ideas or recommendations for skills that would be worth learning? Assuming i finish a degree to gain work visa eligibility and am competent in English and Japanese language there are a plenty of opportunities but i'm yet to find anything that really appeals to me, which is what's made it difficult to push myself back into studying.