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psychic vampire. wrote:a constant deep depression, or a constant unable-to-sleep mania/mixed state.

me. on or off medication.

i've been lucky enough get support when i apparently fall of the face of the earth. but people are too selfish too offer help when someone's really hurting. i just wanna be there for my friend 45 miles away and unconnected kind words mean only so much.

When in doubt, i'm the kind of person who rolls hard on big gestures for close people when they're fucking low, but then again i bought my ex a neon fucking sign when he had a shitty week, so don't listen to me. Crazy brain and whatever.

waltdogg wrote:

psychic vampire. wrote:a constant deep depression, or a constant unable-to-sleep mania/mixed state.

me. on or off medication.

I hope you're seeing a psychiatrist about that.
After all the years of seeing my mom deal with bipolar disorder, I definitely recognize the need for a solid psychiatrist when it comes to that kind of stuff.

i am.

psychic vampire. wrote:When in doubt, i'm the kind of person who rolls hard on big gestures for close people when they're fucking low, but then again i bought my ex a neon fucking sign when he had a shitty week, so don't listen to me. Crazy brain and whatever.

I am with you on that, sometimes a cool gesture can really snap someone out of something bad..........

I'll add my voice to the supporting cast around here. I hope everyone taps the strength needed to stay up and keep digging. My own problems seem comparatively small right now, but I'm going to treat you all like bartenders for a minute or so here anyway.

In terms of my own situation, past couple months business has been slow on top of pressures from property management that have culminated in a lot of lost time and the acute deterioration of a couple projects. Mainly my VW fastback, which underwent some damage during a tow (long story) and will now require replacement of the rear suspension and entire wiring harness, I'm probably going to be out of pocket between $500-750 on that (plus gobs of time), because the manager insisted in writing I have the car removed after giving me a verbal that it was okay and she'd look the other way. This is on top of two sequential months in which I had to essentially spend a week destroying the efficiency of my work space in order to tuck my horde of shit out of sight to pass inspection.

Ultimately, that's my own fault for hanging on to anything that has the potential of being something cool for like 20 years while only just recently starting the process of converting stuff into better stuff.

So there's the background pressure that is ever present, meanwhile the historical lull in the summer months has dried up outgoing sales to the point that I've been grappling with trying to decide which of my dreams I'll be giving up on. It's been hovering on the recording studio side, but that gets complicated since I'm running with the theory that summer play months and the general eroding state of the entire world are going to further undermine the value of some things that I will probably never be in the position to replace if I decide to sell. I'd also sooner pull the plug on the company instead of devalue my output, and it's rough designing shit while the mind's a mess. I've started taking in repair work, which is helping, but not without its own share of minor irritation.

Meanwhile my father in law is about to die (like, today or tomorrow as near as anyone can figure), which puts another load on. There is an upside that we'll be rotating into a rent/mortgage free situation, but just reaching that point is a grim deathmarch, and will be incredibly taxing. I guess that gives me a focal point to work toward, which is what I need, but it'll be a challenge to pull it off without it turning into a series of smoking hole crashes into the side of a mountain.

So anyway, I feel a little better for having unloaded that - thanks

Today is a good reminder in why i feel so good about so many people on here. Thanks y'all!

PayPal suspended my account requiring a proof of address... Which I can't provide because I just moved. I hate having to call PayPal.

Inconuucl wrote:PayPal suspended my account requiring a proof of address... Which I can't provide because I just moved. I hate having to call PayPal.

This.
Since I have PayPal Manager (for accepting credit cards) I have to pay $20 a month or something like that.
Except they've spent the last three months refusing to let me pay for it.

So, finally, after them giving me a "final notice" I had to deal with their bullshit phone system for 45 minutes and pay $60 that I could've used for beer or sandwiches.

psychic vampire. wrote:
Today is a good reminder in why i feel so good about so many people on here. Thanks y'all!

Love you, PV

Frustrating week at work. Swamped with repairs, constantly having to fix fuck-ups by one of my part-time employees. Ugh. But the weekend looks good, and I have Snickers ice cream.

i have to get two teeth pulled on Tuesday.

Lol, paypal straight up told me to delete my account. Holy shit.

Inconuucl wrote:Lol, paypal straight up told me to delete my account. Holy shit.

Did they Tweet that at ya?

So much stupid shit has happened at work that they're letting me take a two week leave of absence to try and let me chill out / convince me not to quit. All I want to do is jam on some tunes or write some music to feel better, but 95% of my shit is stored and packed up for moving including my stereo, and my fretting wrist has been killing me and I feel like if I play any more I'm going to make it worse. & it worries me that I'm gonna go to a doctor and have them tell me I need surgery and then not have insurance because I'm not going to be able to handle this fucking job any longer.

I'll echo several previous comments about appreciating the support network ILF offers. I've been going through some really shitty times myself, but things are ok. Long story short: I was going to move to Chicago with my girlfriend, but had to go with my gut feeling and say that I didn't feel good about it. Then she went with hers and decided she really needs to go. So we're breaking up. It's much more complicated than that, but that's the Cliffs Notes version.

It's extremely shitty and sad, but I know it's for the best—she's got some big things to figure out and achieve, and it's not like I don't also have a couple of things I need to work on. It feels good on one level to get a sense of relief—the relationship has been very worrisome for me lately. That said, there were also times where I thought I'd finally ended up with something good, something that would lead to getting married and maybe having kids. I know it's probably ridiculous to say, but I don't feel good about being 37 soon and single again.

On top of that, I'm a freelancer and can't really afford to turn down any work, thus I had to accept a job that's completely slammed me during all of this. At least I'm distracted.

Anyway, my point—it feels great to have this forum. I get so much comfort out of just seeing what people have to share. Helps immensely.