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every night for the last few days I've been getting really bad hives on most of my body. Its starts around 1 am, and is gone by the time I wake up. I can't figure out whats causing it.

As always love to all in this thread
In one of the deepest depression periods of recent times
Can't seem to get anything right and don't see a way out of my situation right now, I've been told I'm not welcome to live at home if I start medically transitioning and I don't know how I can support myself moving out since my uni schedule is awful and I don't know who would hire me when I need to take 2-6 weeks off a semester for unpaid placements. I guess I could keep my current job which is lenient and try to move out somewhere and just commute back for work rather than commuting to uni
Been neglecting my girlfriend and my friendships
Whenever I'm not drinking I'm thinking about when I will next be drinking, I can't remember my last sober day
It all feels really bad right now and I don't know how I can fix it

My apartment building:

upside: I live below a very talented and nice jazz clarinet player who's boyfriend plays pretty solid jazz guitar, awesome people and fun to listen to.

Downside: I live above a "Pirate Punk" band and their friends(I shit you not, they self identify as pirate punk). they are alright guys but It's like living above Dropkick Murphy's slower younger brothers.

I forgot I live near Canton and was caught completely off guard by the mini nuclear bombs going off all over the place.

goosekevin wrote:As always love to all in this thread
In one of the deepest depression periods of recent times
Can't seem to get anything right and don't see a way out of my situation right now, I've been told I'm not welcome to live at home if I start medically transitioning and I don't know how I can support myself moving out since my uni schedule is awful and I don't know who would hire me when I need to take 2-6 weeks off a semester for unpaid placements. I guess I could keep my current job which is lenient and try to move out somewhere and just commute back for work rather than commuting to uni
Been neglecting my girlfriend and my friendships
Whenever I'm not drinking I'm thinking about when I will next be drinking, I can't remember my last sober day
It all feels really bad right now and I don't know how I can fix it

That blows chunks, Zoe. I hope your family's reaction is one of shock, a reaction that will wear off. If not, you've got to stay strong and true to yourself no matter what. You made a very brave and tough decision, but one you will thank yourself for down the line. Life has some major downers, but you've got to push through. Laying off the drinking is recommended, both economically and for your mental health. You've done the hard part of this initial transition into your new life, and drinking is only preventing you from carrying on. It's a crutch you can do without, knowing how strong you've been telling your closest family about your wishes and plans. We are always here for you. Hope it works out for you soon. You deserve it.

I am so tired of (what i found out yesterday is almost certainly) cubital tunnel syndrome. And just health bullshit in general. And the fact that Indiana makes it next to impossible to see the doctors i need to see without going through a militantly Christian gatekeeper. But mostly the wrist and hand pain. Any of y'all ever get this shit? Ever try wrapping your arms in towels to sleep?


Also:

Just for the lulz.

Not that I know any of you, which is probably why in the safeness of presumed anonimity I can safely admit that my wife was just diagnosed with breast cancer. The upside is this is nearly 5 years to the week after they diagnosed my cancer, and that fundamentally means I'm out of the weeds having beat the 5 year survival numbers, but now I need to do it all over again.

I'm really not prepared for this being a vastly overgrown manchild. I'm not the one who can adquetely provide for our two kids, nor am I the sane one in the pair. I really don't know how the hell I'm going to make this all work, especially since we won't be able to afford the oncoming surgeries, diagnostics, radiation or hormonal therapy that comes after the crushing realism of being told, "you've got cancer. suck it up."

The only thing I can really, truly, be thankful for is that they caught it early and they tell me that performing a "lumpectomy" (that's a hell of a technical term) will probably take care of it, plus the post-care I mentioned.

This last year, my wife was finally able to find a part time job that afforded us the ability to take care of the kids while providing a couple hundred more a month. That's gone, too.

Anyways, I haven't told anyone because I'm not supposed to be freaked out by this. That makes me a shitty person considering she was able to deal with my own cancer issues and presented herself as the "strong one" is really offputting because I don't exactly know how to deal with it.

Goddamnit. Goddamnit it all to fucking hell.

That's fucking rough, man! Best wishes to your wife and yourself!

I'm sorry to hear that. Health issues are some of the hardest to deal with, and Cancer is awful. I am pulling for you, even if i do imagine you as an Owlbear at a computer especially because i imagine you as an owlbear at a computer. Be well.

Fuck cancer.

Hang in there

Seriously, fuck cancer.



Hugs and moral support to everyone in the shit right now. I wish I could help you all, but I'm maxed out just maintaining myself. <--(that is my statement of irritation)

A lot of darkness and weird vibes out there recently. A woman from my company with two little kids got beaten to death by her boyfriend. I haven't played in weeks, haven't had the heart. I kicked my pedals under the bed so I wouldn't feel guilty looking at them. In crowded buses I still find myself searching for the faces of people I know are gone. Shit sucks. I dunno.

There is nothing worse than having to lay an employee off because you can't afford to pay them.

^Done that three times in the last week. Gah. Been in kind of a shitty mood, which is to say nothing of how they're feeling. One woman cried for 25 or 30 minutes, and I just had to sit there like an asshole and deal.