The Doom Room: ILF Edition

[assface jackson]

Nah, he's generally ok with the rest of the family drinking around him. I just don't appreciate his assumption that it's ok to be introducing members of his 'sober family' during these events- with no advance notice. Right now I live next to my father-in-law, which is where the xmas shits are going down- I swear, there's no less than 6 fuckers over there that no one, other than my AA bro-in-law and his wife, even have a clue who they are. I'm about to open some windows and turn up some amps

[louderthangod]

Yeah, I'm no fan of that. It sounds like he needs to do his own thing as his house with his people. It's one thing to bring over someone your dating or a friend that the whole family knows but a series of Rando's is often not cool.

[whiskey_face]

Drunky McUnknown?

as a Mc I fulled endorse all drunks being labels Mcdrunks

[conky]

Spent the day and yesterday with my family and while I enjoyed spending time with them it didn't feel like Christmas at all. So ready for this shit to be over with.

[christianatl]

I've been sober for 11 years.

A lot of people who get sober do so to hide in AA, which is not the suggested way to go about things. It actually says that sobriety is meant to be an avocation in plain English in the book. Sobriety allows someone who has gone though it to live their life. It's not intended to be a person's life. It's just a tool. If I wanted to isolate myself from the rest of the world, I would still be getting fucked up.

Anyone who has legit sobriety knows that every person has their own deal. Most sober people are not against any sort of imbibing. It's just not for us.

It's like, say you are allergic to strawberries. Do you think no one should eat strawberries? Of course not.

[christianatl]

Sober or not, bringing uninvited or unannounced guests is just rude.

[assface jackson]

I've been sober for 11 years.

A lot of people who get sober do so to hide in AA, which is not the suggested way to go about things. It actually says that sobriety is meant to be an avocation in plain English in the book. Sobriety allows someone who has gone though it to live their life. It's not intended to be a person's life. It's just a tool. If I wanted to isolate myself from the rest of the world, I would still be getting fucked up.

Anyone who has legit sobriety knows that every person has their own deal. Most sober people are not against any sort of imbibing. It's just not for us.

It's like, say you are allergic to strawberries. Do you think no one should eat strawberries? Of course not.

Great perspective. In line with what I know about Tad's attitude on sobriety- and that of others that seem to be doing it right. Much respect.

[dazedbyday]

I offered Christian a beer when he played Union pool a few years ago.

What I don't like about AA is the part about giving in to a bigger power. It takes away from the work that the person does to help themselves and the people around them that give their help.

I just drove up to my parents tonight so I missed the shitshow of the full family at my grandpa's earlier today. I'll get to see some other family members tomorrow but I thankfully missed most of them.

[christianatl]

I offered Christian a beer when he played Union pool a few years ago.

What I don't like about AA is the part about giving in to a bigger power. It takes away from the work that the person does to help themselves and the people around them that give their help.

Aw man, that was you just being a gentleman.

I just think of that in a very vague sense. Like, the universe. Spiritual principles. I don't believe in any sort of deity. And yet, I'm still sober.

Ego deflation is really important in sobriety, and I feel like most people would benefit from knowing that they are not the center of the known universe, you know?

It really boils down to service to my fellow man for me. I'm not the best at it, but I'm happiest when I remember to put others needs and wants before my own. And in a funny twist, when I remember to do that, Im as happy as possible in addition to having all of my needs and wants met.

It's pretty remarkable.

[D.o.S.]

I offered Christian a beer when he played Union pool a few years ago.

I did the same thing at a different venue. That's like my default thing when I see people in real life that I 'know' on the internet.

[AxAxSxS]

Sober or not, bringing uninvited or unannounced guests is just rude.

for real. I have experienced hanging out with a friends "drunky McUnknown" AA friend. It was unexpected, and awkward, all the things Mike's talking about. I get that AA promotes helping each other out and having a support chain, but here's the thing. If it's not voluntary, it's not a support chain. If people are asked, and are enthusiastic about helping someone out, yeah, that's support. I don't get how crashing some strangers family's holiday is going to help anyone.

A lot of the AA stuff seemed to be enabling denial of reality more than anything else. I called my buddy on some bullshit he was spouting after wrecking his car/loosing his cdl/ruining his life, and when he finally admitted lying, he immediately told me that I should expect that because"alcoholics lie"
That may be true, but that's not a licence to fabricate the truth to fit your convenience. He was basically using what he learned at AA to justify his continued fucked upness as being normal for someone with his "disease"

That of course is just from my experience with that particular friend, who was kinda fucked up so maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the whole organization.

[christianatl]

Alcoholics and people who have recovered are different things.

[louderthangod]

Sober or not, bringing uninvited or unannounced guests is just rude.

He was basically using what he learned at AA to justify his continued fucked upness as being normal for someone with his "disease"

That of course is just from my experience with that particular friend, who was kinda fucked up so maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the whole organization.

I've seen people do that before as well. I've seen people in therapy do this as well...to the point where they almost use it as a weapon. Usually it doesn't seem to last too long but I've only experienced a small sample size. I'm big on completely writing people off which probably isn't much better but it's a coping mechanism for dealing with people I'm too impatient to deal with their shitty shit.

[dazedbyday]

I offered Christian a beer when he played Union pool a few years ago.

What I don't like about AA is the part about giving in to a bigger power. It takes away from the work that the person does to help themselves and the people around them that give their help.

Aw man, that was you just being a gentleman.

I just think of that in a very vague sense. Like, the universe. Spiritual principles. I don't believe in any sort of deity. And yet, I'm still sober.

Ego deflation is really important in sobriety, and I feel like most people would benefit from knowing that they are not the center of the known universe, you know?

It really boils down to service to my fellow man for me. I'm not the best at it, but I'm happiest when I remember to put others needs and wants before my own. And in a funny twist, when I remember to do that, Im as happy as possible in addition to having all of my needs and wants met.

It's pretty remarkable.

Hahah, I was mainly joking around with the facepalm and realized it wasn't too big a deal.

And I like how you look at it in concern to the ego and larger being. I just think it often leans towards the weapon end people were talking about and it becomes more of a tool to convert people to their religion rather then actually provide some form of help. I think it would help a lot of people, not just those battle an addiction, to take a step back and think about their place in the universe. Many people have never really thought about the bigger scale of things and how they actually fit into it even in the most scant of details. Most people get too caught up in the petty details of their own lives which can matter but often turn into grade school bullshit and are ultimate meaningless in a day or two.

[Beasleyboy]

I'm a recovered drunk and druggy. The whole higher power thing has nothing to do with religion. If you happen to be Catholic or Hindu or whatever that's cool, but it's admitting that you believe that there's something out there bigger than you running the show. Something of your understanding. I'm not going to get into a debate about that part of it, but I will say that when you walk through the doors of AA/DAA as hopeless as I was, then you would stand on your roof and cluck like a chicken if they told you that would get you sober.

I tried therapists, psychologists, religion, natural "remedies", and I could never put together longer than a week of abstinence. Shit's life or death for me. It was a gun in my mouth or try AA, which was my last chance to get sober, because no matter what I did I couldn't keep myself from taking that first drink, and whenever I drank I could not control the amount of alcohol I would drink...and bad things would happen.

I'll have 3 years in March. I hit 2 meetings a week. Those don't keep me sober. When I bring meetings to the homeless shelter twice a week and get to watch guys, that have absolutely nothing, get sober and start to put pieces of their lives together...that shit keeps me sober. When I get to watch my sponsees', who came to me beaten to shit and losing everything, go through the journey of getting sober, growing into the person they never thought they could be, and gaining a life they never thought they could have...that shit keeps me sober. It goes beyond just quitting the drinking. It's completely letting go of your old thinking and your old ways of thinking, and undergoing a complete psychic change.

I don't need to surround myself with people from AA to stay sober, because I am truly recovered, not cured, but recovered as long as I continue to work the steps. My life in the program is completely separate from my personal life. I know people who only have AA friends, have jobs at sober living, rehabs, etc., only go to sobriety centered events. Those people live in AA because they wouldn't remain sober living in the real world. These are the people who don't practice the principals that they preach and that ignore the behaviors they still exhibit from their addiction...the sick people who never recovered. That's not life I want to live, I'd rather go back out and drink/drug myself to death...at least it would be more enjoyable. I work the steps so I can live a normal life, not live a life in AA.

TLDR